Let's face it guys, your ability to buy appropriate gifts for your lady partner is a joke. They have commercials about it, mass forwarded emails about it; you gotta be wondering what the Hell you're doing wrong.
First of all, it's not always just the gift that sucks. It's what the gift says about your relationship. If your girlfriend is frustratingly dyslexic and you buy her a copy of East of Eden, this could say one of two things.
1. You're an ass and you bought your dyslexic girlfriend a copy of fucking East of Eden. Did you forget she's dyslexic? What else have you forgotten about her?
2. She likes challenges and you know that. In an effort to support & encourage her you bought her one of the ultimate classics.
This is why buying gifts can be tricky. You have to actually know the person you're buying gifts for. If you bought the book but aren't sure how she will take it, buy her a card in which you write "I know you get frustrated, we can read this together" or something sappy and togetherly. If you forgot she's dyslexic then lets hope she IS the kinda girl that likes a challenge. Otherwise you're boned.
Okay, back to the process of buying gifts. Think about your girlfriend. Picture her awesomeness in your head. She would have to be awesome, otherwise why date her?
Think about her interests. Does she like reading? What kind of books? Do you know the name of her favorite band? If it's Taylor Swift then it's okay not to buy your woman the new cd, I wouldn't want to encourage that either. Does she collect anything? Is she outdoorsy or does she play video games or both? What kinds of things can you do together?
This is another area where guys go wrong - you think the present has to fit in a box. Why not take her somewhere? She's your girlfriend, so she likes being with you, work that angle! Picnics are nice because she feels like you're being romantic and you get to eat. Not only that, but she'll probably get cutesy and feed you like you're some kind of Greek deity. Bonus.
Some girls wont ask for perfume even though they'd like you to buy some. Here's why:
They want you to think they smell good.
Girls think about you when they are buying their shampoo/lotions/perfumes. They wonder if you'll think it smells wonderful or if it reminds you of your ex. Or your grandma.
They can't ask you to buy them perfume, it's expensive. They probably don't ask you to go shopping with them to help them pick something out because you guys hate shopping. So take the initiative and go buy something with a fragrance that you love. Make sure you are not just using your nose, use your head. Does this perfume remind you of your ex? Or your girl's BFF? Don't buy a perfume that makes you think of someone else. Buy a perfume that smells wonderful and makes you think of your lady.
Lingerie is not necessarily a NoGo. It depends on your relationship. Does your girl get magazines from Victoria's Secret or Frederick's? Peek through the pages, is anything marked? Next time you catch her looking through the magazine, ask her what she likes in it. The nice thing about talking to your girl about panties as that it will likely lead to a private showing.
If you're trying to think of a gift that she'd really really want; don't think back and remember how frustrated she gets with her old vacuum cleaner. That's not a gift, that's like filling her car up with gas for her birthday. Now, if you also got it washed & detailed after installing a badass new sound system then okay, you can fill it up with gas. Toasters and vacuums are domestic necessities, they can be bought any damn day of the week and for no good reason. Plus, remember the domestic part? Avoid gifts that say domestic. Unless it's pearls, because your girlfriend might absolutely love pearls.
There you have it. The secret to giving good gifts is knowing your partner. You even got a few gift ideas from that.
If you have a special occasion coming up, feel free to pick my brain. I'm good at this kind of thing. In fact, I'm one of the better gift givers that I know.
For your viewing pleasure, and to illustrate how the wrong gift can go terribly, terribly wrong: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/7175/
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Friday, April 2, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
What to do when the Traffic Light is out
Scenario: You pull up to a traffic light controlled intersection and the power is out so the traffic light is not operating. What do you do?
Proper Response: You treat it like a damned 4. Way. Stop. You moron!
A few months ago I would not have felt a post like this would be necessary (I'm a Realist, not a Pessimist). However; it has become painfully obvious that many of you people reach an unlit traffic light and just freak the Hell out.
As you might have guessed, the power recently went out in my little town. The traffic light at, quite possibly, the busiest intersection in town was down for the count. I watched, in disbelief and disgust, as drivers blindly sped through the intersection out of turn; swerving around other cars, honking their little horns and squealing their little breaks. One car would go and then 3 others would take off after it, as if a magical light had turned green and it was now everyone's turn to Go! Go! GO!
I gotta tell ya, when it came to my rightful turn to pass through the Intersection of Death, I was afraid. I drove through that opening and every muscle in my body prepared for impact as my eyeballs nearly popped out of my skull while I scanned the darkness for the Dumbass that was about the threaten my life.
Obviously I made it through safely. Much to my surprise and relief.
Proper Response: You treat it like a damned 4. Way. Stop. You moron!
A few months ago I would not have felt a post like this would be necessary (I'm a Realist, not a Pessimist). However; it has become painfully obvious that many of you people reach an unlit traffic light and just freak the Hell out.
As you might have guessed, the power recently went out in my little town. The traffic light at, quite possibly, the busiest intersection in town was down for the count. I watched, in disbelief and disgust, as drivers blindly sped through the intersection out of turn; swerving around other cars, honking their little horns and squealing their little breaks. One car would go and then 3 others would take off after it, as if a magical light had turned green and it was now everyone's turn to Go! Go! GO!
I gotta tell ya, when it came to my rightful turn to pass through the Intersection of Death, I was afraid. I drove through that opening and every muscle in my body prepared for impact as my eyeballs nearly popped out of my skull while I scanned the darkness for the Dumbass that was about the threaten my life.
Obviously I made it through safely. Much to my surprise and relief.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Dating
Some people suck at dating. Maybe they have that whole, nervous mumbling thing that's all awkward and 'romantic comedy'. Maybe they come off as cold so no one asks them out thinking they don't have a chance.
Some of us just hate dating altogether.
Not just the 'act of' dating, but the whole idea of it. It's total crap. Dating puts expectations on you before you even know if you like the person.
This dating business is too over-thought. Too stressful. There are Rules to dating. Like kissing on the 1st date and if a guy calls on Tuesday then the girl makes herself unavailable till Thursday to keep him in suspense. Really? So if a guy wins spontaneous tickets to your OMG Favorite Band Ever! and the concert is tomorrow night, you're supposed to say 'No' because you don't want to look too available?
Which is worse, being 'available' at a rockin concert or being 'unavailable' sitting at home watching Say Yes To The Dress while you down a bag of Doritos? Sodium increases cellulite, btw.
Way to go ladies, you passed up a badass evening because you read that a CosmoGirl is never too available. Now you're Would Be hot date is at the concert. . . with someone who was available.
So dating has all these rules that pretty much fuck everything up. Instead of doing what you want to do, you're doing what you think you're supposed to do. And why date someone if you're not comfortable enough to do what you want?
Don't forget about expectations. The whole reason you're with this person at the movies/coffee shop/whatever is because you both have a 'Goal' in mind. That you're going to, what, be boyfriend and girlfriend in a couple of months? And if that doesn't happen you can't be friends anymore because this ridiculous little concept didn't pan out like the magazines say and your little hopes are dashed? Lame.
What happens if the dates go well but then once you see them interact with other humans you're mortified? You have to break them down gently now, because you've already started dating which means this person has told all their friends and parents about you and they've probably been imagining some kind of future together. Yikes. You didn't realize they were such an idiot until you saw them in their natural element and you've already made this vocal commitment with the word 'Dating' that now you've got to chew your leg off nicely to get out of it.
Dating is flawed.
Save the term for someone you are actually excited about seeing and already know you're into. Date the guy that has already proved that he is beyond 2dimensional on more than one occasion. Date the girl who always manages to surprise you with her coolness. Don't date the cute chick in the shoe department with the nametag that says Jyll.
If you want to get to know the mall girl, invite her and her friends to a group event. You can both get to know each other in a no pressure, expectation free environment. And if you don't bone, you can still probably be friends at the end of the day. Unless she's a total flop, then drop her ass.
It's not like you two were dating. . .
Some of us just hate dating altogether.
Not just the 'act of' dating, but the whole idea of it. It's total crap. Dating puts expectations on you before you even know if you like the person.
This dating business is too over-thought. Too stressful. There are Rules to dating. Like kissing on the 1st date and if a guy calls on Tuesday then the girl makes herself unavailable till Thursday to keep him in suspense. Really? So if a guy wins spontaneous tickets to your OMG Favorite Band Ever! and the concert is tomorrow night, you're supposed to say 'No' because you don't want to look too available?
Which is worse, being 'available' at a rockin concert or being 'unavailable' sitting at home watching Say Yes To The Dress while you down a bag of Doritos? Sodium increases cellulite, btw.
Way to go ladies, you passed up a badass evening because you read that a CosmoGirl is never too available. Now you're Would Be hot date is at the concert. . . with someone who was available.
So dating has all these rules that pretty much fuck everything up. Instead of doing what you want to do, you're doing what you think you're supposed to do. And why date someone if you're not comfortable enough to do what you want?
Don't forget about expectations. The whole reason you're with this person at the movies/coffee shop/whatever is because you both have a 'Goal' in mind. That you're going to, what, be boyfriend and girlfriend in a couple of months? And if that doesn't happen you can't be friends anymore because this ridiculous little concept didn't pan out like the magazines say and your little hopes are dashed? Lame.
What happens if the dates go well but then once you see them interact with other humans you're mortified? You have to break them down gently now, because you've already started dating which means this person has told all their friends and parents about you and they've probably been imagining some kind of future together. Yikes. You didn't realize they were such an idiot until you saw them in their natural element and you've already made this vocal commitment with the word 'Dating' that now you've got to chew your leg off nicely to get out of it.
Dating is flawed.
Save the term for someone you are actually excited about seeing and already know you're into. Date the guy that has already proved that he is beyond 2dimensional on more than one occasion. Date the girl who always manages to surprise you with her coolness. Don't date the cute chick in the shoe department with the nametag that says Jyll.
If you want to get to know the mall girl, invite her and her friends to a group event. You can both get to know each other in a no pressure, expectation free environment. And if you don't bone, you can still probably be friends at the end of the day. Unless she's a total flop, then drop her ass.
It's not like you two were dating. . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)